The 100 Worst Things That Have Ever Happened To Me, 1972-2006.
- My cat vomited on my original copy of "Slanted and Enchanted."
- Friends saw me air drumming to the Pixies.
- My dentist caught me in a lie.
- I shared a cubicle with a Billy Joel fan.
- I made my mom cry.
- I saw a Journey cover band.
- My sister caught me reading a romance novel.
- My wife caught me listening to Ministry.
- I was caught drinking "bum" wine.
- I mocked a potential employer during an interview.
- My grandmother made me wear wingtips.
- My cat scratched my face.
- My boss poured hot soup on my hands.
- My mom caught me crying.
- A fish bit me.
- My cat killed a mouse.
- I was accused of making naughty photocopies.
- I grew long hair.
- My wife caught me watching the WB.
- I made a Freudian slip repeatedly during an interview.
- I fell asleep in class.
- I saw my mother's husband nude.
- My DSL connection fucked up.
- I got my hands dirty.
- I answered a question wrong during class.
- I was interrupted.
- I tried getting into German Industrial music.
- I tried to smoke.
- "Planet Of The Apes" was interrupted.
- The garbage guy laughed at me.
- I admitted to taking steroids.
- I was caught in a compromising situation.
- I didn't drop acid.
- I tried to be a fancy lad.
- I saw a baby bunny die.
- My daughter exposed my deceit.
- I saw a German guy wearing a speedo.
- I bought the wrong booze.
- I got a fat lip.
- I had horrible acne.
- I met a Dachshund.
- I went grey.
- I never got a nickname.
- I called my neighbor a moron.
- I went to "The Taste."
- I dropped my Listerine PocketPaks.
- My inner gangsta was revealed.
- My family left me.
- I didn't get the part.
- My TiVo was sloppy.
- My lack of soul was clearly visible.
- I was a closeted cheerleader.
- I cancelled HBO.
- I lost the coolest sunglasses ever.
- I didn't know the words.
- I overstated the musical abilities of the Chicago Bears.
- I saw an inappropriate double-feature with my parents.
- I ran out of fabric softener sheets.
- I went to a Sting concert.
- I declined an offer for a homemade kegarator.
- I came off like a total dick.
- Andy left.
- Nobody would buy my Sisters Of Mercy disc.
- I declined an offer for easy money.
- I pretended to know more than I actually did.
- I declined an offer to join an international conspiracy organization and rule the world.
- A former classmate helped me move.
- I was tagged.
- I watched the game on tape delay.
- I made my boss cry.
- I made another boss cry.
- The buttons on my TiVo remote began to fade.
- My body did not absorb certain carbohydrates in the small intestine.
- I drank Keystone Light.
- I accidentally rooted for the New York Yankees.
- I was mistaken for a homeless person.
- My sources provided me with too much information.
- I listened to a Dave Matthews song.
- My neighbor rocked out to the Dave Matthews Band.
- I let my daughter pee on someone I didn't like.
- I declined a free ticket to see Nirvana's last Chicago show.
- I declined an offer to see Stevie Ray Vaughn's last concert.
- I saw EMF in concert.
- Nielsen Media Research called when I wasn't home.
- I stumped the piano player.
- I stayed in a hostel.
- I aged.
- I had too much of a good thing.
- I bored my analyst.
- I partied with a nudist.
- My friend went to see the Grateful Dead and I did not.
- I had "Emo" hair.
- I sullied the good name of the 1985 Chicago Bears.
- George W. Bush was sworn in as the 43rd President of the U.S.
- I was unaware an elderly woman was flirting with me.
- I began a blog.
- My neighbors spoke Klingonese.
- I didn't buy a timeshare.
- I overdosed.
- I made a list of the 100 worst things that have ever happened to me and people from around the world found humor in my misfortune.
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